Hope: Today I Want to Grow Flowers

Going into a program was the best thing I could have done. I still carry the love and care the program with me. It taught me that what happened to me wasn’t my fault and that I was just a victim. It gave me a place where I could feel safe. It helped me to learn about myself and to love myself. The counselors there really worked with me and they used to tell me all of the time that I am worth it. Nobody had every told me that I was worth anything. After I finished that program, I went on to another woman’s facility and got a job working with kids. During this time, somebody told me to go into Mass rehab and that they would help me go to school. Now I’m fifty-five years old and graduated. I’ve graduated rehabilitation programs and college with an associate’s degree. And I’m not going to stop there.

I love the work that I do today. I work in a recovery facility and I get to help so many people just like me. I still feel broken but I also know that as long as I do the right thing, that the right things will happen. I feel that god is using me and that I still have a long way to go. I’m here to tell whoever is out there that they don’t have to go as far as I went or as deep. They can stop now, because there are people out there who care. There are people out there that love you. There’s help available whether it’s at your doctor’s office or your church. You just have to believe in yourself. We don’t have to continue stepping into that same hole. We have to change so that the younger generation can see that there is a way out and that things do get better. That life is worth living.

Sometimes you have to remove yourself totally from everything that you care about in order to save yourself. I thank god for where I am today. I have a long way to go and I have a lot of life to live. It is doable and I believe in myself today. I’m grateful. I’m very, very grateful for the people in my life. I do a lot of work in the community and I love the community. Every time I walk out my door, I see me. I see me. I see me through the person lying on the park bench with no place to go. I see me in the prostitute jumping in and out of cars. I see me in that drug addict looking for that next fix. I see me. Been there, done that.

By the grace of god, I don’t have to do it anymore. Today I just want to grow flowers. Thank you.