{"id":47,"date":"2014-11-06T16:01:55","date_gmt":"2014-11-06T21:01:55","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wordpress.clarku.edu\/tellyourstory\/?page_id=47"},"modified":"2014-11-09T14:36:36","modified_gmt":"2014-11-09T19:36:36","slug":"hija-del-sol","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/wordpress.clarku.edu\/tellyourstory\/hija-del-sol\/","title":{"rendered":"Hija del Sol"},"content":{"rendered":"

Post Traumatic Growth and Reclaiming Space<\/strong><\/p>\n

I\u2019m working really hard on my wellness. This time at the support group I finally feel like I have some real tools to manage the symptoms and the flashbacks. The flashbacks are the worst, especially because so many things have occurred in the apartment I live in. I can\u2019t afford to move. I\u2019ve been in the same apartment for so many years that bad things have happened in every room. I could just lie in bed and remember being harmed. So one of the things that I learned through support group over the last couple months, now that my son moved out, is to reclaim my room. I repainted it and I put new fabrics and new furniture inside. It\u2019s my room. It\u2019s my space. It\u2019s my sanctuary. Even when I have company for sex at my house I don\u2019t use that room. It needs to be a memory-free room.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s one of my ways of managing trauma, especially when it comes to sex. I need a bed that I can go to that doesn\u2019t have anything attached to it. I find that very useful. There are nights that I lay in bed, my primary bed, and I can\u2019t stay there. Just because I\u2019ll be remembering being sexually assaulted in my own bed. I\u2019ve been really trying hard to change all that. Change the memories in my house, rearrange the furniture, paint the rooms, whatever I can. It\u2019s because of the support group that I\u2019ve started being able to do all those things.<\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t even think I was going to get this far in the group. I didn\u2019t really know what to expect but I got what I came for. I wasn\u2019t even going to go for the second round (of therapy) until I realized that I still wanted to do more and feel even better. That\u2019s really what I want to say about my journey. I\u2019ve really been committed to being well. It\u2019s been a very long journey to try and reconcile the past and try and heal from the sexual trauma.<\/p>\n

Something Soft: My security blanket<\/strong><\/p>\n

I think that when it comes to being with (other) women, we find solace away from the male abusive sexual relationships. I have a friend who lives here locally with a drug dealer. She always comes to me for that comfort. Her life really sucks. It really does. The guy she lives with says you can\u2019t turn a hoe into a housewife. That\u2019s what he thinks of her. All she wants is to be the housewife so to speak. Consequently, they don\u2019t have sex. She gives him a blowjob. She gets crack. And she says she doesn\u2019t want it to be like that. And I\u2019m like well, that\u2019s the relationship you\u2019re in. She will come and want to be with me, because she\u2019s very uncomfortable in her situation. It\u2019s not a loving relationship and who better to understand than another woman whose been through that. You can find that comfort there.<\/p>\n

My female partner that doesn\u2019t live around here is the same way. We really find that comfort because we can call each other and say \u201cI got stood up on a date and this happened and that happened and men suck and I\u2019m gonna come see you\u201d. I guess I\u2019m glad to see that as a gender we can at least hold each other down. Keep each other moving somehow. Hold each other up.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s been my experience; the women that I am involved with have also had very bad sexual experiences with men. And I also know of another couple of lesbian couple that have had children out of rapes and never went back to a guy ever again. Being with another woman makes sense in my mind given the situations. And I could actually see myself in a long-term relationship with a woman. I really could. Just because I know it would feel safe. Even though I\u2019ve known of abusive women, its not as common and it wouldn\u2019t be likely that I would connect with a woman who was aggressive. I\u2019m looking for soft. Softness. \u200b<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Post Traumatic Growth and Reclaiming Space I\u2019m working really hard on my wellness. This time at the support group I finally feel like I have some real tools to manage the symptoms and the flashbacks. The flashbacks are the worst, … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-47","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wordpress.clarku.edu\/tellyourstory\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/47","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wordpress.clarku.edu\/tellyourstory\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wordpress.clarku.edu\/tellyourstory\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wordpress.clarku.edu\/tellyourstory\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/6"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wordpress.clarku.edu\/tellyourstory\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=47"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/wordpress.clarku.edu\/tellyourstory\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/47\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wordpress.clarku.edu\/tellyourstory\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=47"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}